The Struggle to Practice the Christian Life

Those who endeavor with all of their mind, heart, soul, and strength to live the life that Jesus calls us to as his followers, know two things: We are not perfect, and no matter how deep and earnest our convictions, we all too often fall short in our honest efforts to live up to our ideals; and the second is that we know that God is for us, that he is relentless in mercy and generous in forgiveness. Still, we experience that familiar interior struggle between our pride and the humility we are called to by Jesus Christ. This struggle is not new, nor is it unique. To give an example, let me use the following parable taken from the sayings of the Desert Fathers of the early church.

“A brother said to Abbot Pastor: If I give one of my brothers a little bread or something of the sort, the demons spoil everything and it seems to me that I have acted only to please men. The elder said to him: Even if your good work was done to please, we must still give to our brothers what they need. And he told him this story. Two farmers lived in a village. One of them sowed his field and reaped only a small and wretched crop. The other neglected to sow anything at all, and so he reaped nothing. Which of the two will survive, if there is a famine? The brother replied: The first one, even though his crop is small and wretched. The elder said to him: Let us also sow, even though our sowing is small and wretched, lest we die in the time of hunger.”

Jesus tells us: “So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others” (Mt. 6:2). This is what the brother in this parable is speaking about when he says, “When I give one of my brothers a little bread…the demons spoil everything and it seems to me that I have acted only to please men.” The “demons” he refers to here are those ‘voices’ we hear within our minds sometimes when doing something for the good of another, that whisper to us saying, “Look how good I am. People will see how generous I am and praise me for it.” This is the temptation to our ego wanting to be recognized to be seen publicly as ‘good’ and to be praised.

We must always remember that, if our desire to love and to serve one another as Jesus loves us is sincere, even if ‘small and wretched’, God sees it and responds to it with grace. It is our sincere and growing desire in faith to learn to give without expecting anything (praise, material benefit, or thanks) in return, that God builds on for the good. God sees the light of our desire and will bring forth a necessary crop of goodness for those we serve. More than that, he will give us the graces that we need to strengthen our efforts to grow more and more in our faith, our humility, and our efforts to become ever more selfless in our love and service toward one another.

In all of this remember, too, that prayer is appropriate at all times: prayers of thanksgiving, prayers in times of sorrow, worry, need, fear, or when temptations or dangers (physical or spiritual) are present. When we hear those ‘demons’ tempting us to seek praise, turn to God, give it to him and be open to the graces he desires to give. “If God is for us, who can be against us” (Romans 8:31).