8 Things Never To Say To A Cancer Patient

3. Let me know how I can help

Don’t get me wrong, offering to help is such a blessing during this time of need, and adjusting to a new normal, but phrasing it this way puts the ball in their court, and adds pressure for them to try and find something for you to help out with. As my mother put it when she was first diagnosed, “I don’t know what I need until I need it!” Instead, it is much more helpful to pick something and do it. Do they need to eat on Tuesday night? Perfect, you can cook a meal. Are you headed out to do errands? Great, you can call your friend and ask if you can pick anything up while you’re out.

Instead: Offer to bring over dinner, or call when you are at the grocery store and ask if there is anything you can pick up

2. I haven’t heard from you in a while

When your loved one has gone public with their diagnosis, several things happen pretty quickly. One thing is that EVERYONE wants an update and they want it NOW. It is overwhelming. Not to mention, sometimes they just don’t want to talk about the big “C” word. Sometimes they want to shoot the breeze about movies, or catch up on office gossip. So, if you’ve noticed you’re loved one has been out of communication for a while, offer to field some of the calls and e-mails. When my mother was going in for brain surgery, my brother and I each had a list of people to call/e-mail/facebook every few hours. And when it was over, it was our job to inform them that we were going to be unreachable for the rest of the day, and to please not bother us. Everyone needs someone to keep the masses at bay.

Instead: Offer to be a point person for communication in their life