Divorce is violent, and it leaves wounds that are hard to detect, and often go untreated. God wants to bring healing, and He wants to start with YOU.
There are few things that I have personally experienced that are quite as terrifying as being in a car accident. The loss of control, the 2,000 + pounds of metal and glass scraping and contorting with no respect for the fragile human life trapped inside; it’s all too much to take in. And then comes the healing. Another, equally scaring trauma a lot of people go through these days is the violence of divorce, or families broken in other ways. These wounds are much more difficult to detect, and often go completely untreated.
Facing brokenness head on
You can’t sweep it under the rug, ignore it, or hope it goes away. Eventually the scars of your past will come up in unexpected ways. For example believing any number of these lies:
- I am not good enough
- Everything is my fault
- I need marriage so I won’t be lonely
- I’m never getting married
- No one likes me
- My love isn’t strong enough to keep people together
- Everyone is out to get me
Getting wise counsel or even going to therapy won’t “fix” you, but it may be able to open you up to the right questions, and bring certain things to light that you never even knew. It’s about understanding, not covering up. It’s about giving grace, not placing blame. It’s about knowing the extent of your pain and brokenness so you can fully appreciate and accept God’s healing.
Healing is a process Some days suck more than others, especially the longer you wait to deal with the past. Patterns of thinking and things that you have accepted as truth start to dictate the way you live your life.
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. – 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Always turn to scripture. The Bible is your metric of truth; not your past. Your family may have given you a broken lens by which you view love and relationships, but God has given you His Word, which speaks to every situation, and trumps every circumstance.
Facing God after dealing with past brokenness
Again, not that one counseling session, or one heart to heart with your family member or spouse is going to “fix it,” but once the road to healing and restoration begins, things need to change. Like, actually change.
As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalm 102:13
How does this verse make you feel? Is it hard to relate to? Does it even make you feel anger or distance towards God? It’s time to let that go. It is a difficult truth to swallow, but if you are reading this, you need to know that God’s love is the standard, not your earthly father’s love.
Facing Others after dealing with past brokenness
The first habit I had to break once I got out “in the real world,” was holding other people responsible for filling the void of mother/father/normal family in my life. Those without a father often spend their whole lives seeking another father figure, and get crushed and disappointed at every turn. The thing is, it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to fill that hole in your life; it is God and God’s alone, if you let Him.
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In the end (and even in the midst) of your healing path awaits a unique strength that will not only deliver you, but will allow you to carry others through the same journey, fighting the same voices, healing the same wounds, building the same faith and perseverance. – Paul Maxwell